What does “feel to heal” really mean?
Emotions are healthy
When we’re feeling sad, angry, anxious, overwhelmed, or any other uncomfortable emotion, it’s normal to want to eliminate the feeling altogether. Whether that’s through distraction, numbing, or reframing, the goal is the same: to stop yourself from feeling your feelings. There isn’t anything inherently wrong with this; sometimes we really do need to give ourselves a pep talk or compartmentalize to get through the day. But these strategies become problematic when they’re automatic, consistent, and reinforcing of the idea that being anything but calm or happy is bad.
We are meant to experience a range of emotions, even the uncomfortable ones. Feelings are messages from ourselves to ourselves, and when we give them space to breathe, we can actually help them pass.
The science of emotions
Biologically, emotions are events that have a beginning, middle, and end. There’s a trigger, your body has a physical reaction, and your brain makes meaning of that reaction. The combination of your physical reaction and the meaning you make of it is the emotion.
Emotions are a build up of energy, and your body naturally want to expel that energy. That can look like crying, heavy breathing, laughing, shaking, or speaking. Once that energy is expelled, your body can return to a more neutral state (it’s why you might feel calm and relieved after a good cry). When we interrupt that cycle by suppressing and avoiding our feelings, we don’t allow that energy to be expelled, and our body struggles to return to neutral.
How to let yourself feel
We experience emotions physically, so we must process them physically, too. To all our fellow intellectualizers out there: analyzing your emotional reactions from a distance has its utility, but it’s not the same as experiencing your emotions.
Letting yourself feel can look like crying, screaming into a pillow (yes, we’re serious), exercise, shaking, listening to music that matches the emotion, “brain dump” journaling, doing a body scan, and, our favorite one, sitting quietly for a few minutes and noticing what arises without trying to force or change anything. “Feel to heal” means experiencing emotions without rushing, judging, or minimizing them so that your body can settle instead of staying stuck.
Some important caveats
We are all meant to experience a range of emotions, but for clients who struggle with a mental health disorder — such as an anxiety, mood, or personality disorder — your feelings can reach a level of intensity and frequency that make them challenging to process.
In some cases, trying to sit with and understand your feelings can actually be counterproductive. This is where working with a mental health professional is key; they’ll be able to help you experience emotions in a safe, supportive manner while also making sure you don’t reinforce any unhealthy thought, feeling, or behavioral patterns.
If you have a trauma history (especially body-based trauma), tuning into your body may not feel safe. We recommend working with a trained trauma professional who can help you process feelings without compromising your sense of safety.
Sources and additional resources
Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma by Peter A. Levine & Ann Frederick
Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. & Amelia Nagoski, DMA
Permission to Feel: The Power of Emotional Intelligence to Achieve Well-Being and Success by Marc Brackett, Ph.D.
The Somatic Therapy Workbook by Livia Shapiro
